Steve isn’t his real name (obviously!) but for the sake of anonymity it’s the one I’m going with.
Steve and I have been together for over a year, were friends first, got along great and finally much to the relief of our friends, eventually hooked up. We were inseparable, as much as you can be when you live in different places, and travelled almost every weekend to see each no matter the dent it created in our bank balances. We text every hour of the day and went to bed late just so we could chat more. Life was good and we quickly fell in love. We went out, cinema, gigs, events, markets, dinner, whatever was going on we were there and we were together. We also spent a lot of time in each other’s homes… but this is not that kind of blog!
It’s at this point in our story I think I should point out, Steve is a gamer. I knew this, and when we were apart he would spend his evenings online with his friends battling demons, breeding overly large chickens and generally chilling out. He would of course text me in between battles and fill me in on his online world as well as ask about my day. During our weekends together he would put the mouse/controller down and we’d spend quality time together, talking of holidays, music, the future, OUR future together.
Earlier this year we bit the bullet, or rather I did, and quit my job so we could move in together, saving the long commutes to see each other and start our lives properly. It was blissful, being able to wake up next to him everyday. Yes I missed my job and my friends, but I threw myself into joining clubs and building up a network around my new home. Though as the days and weeks passed I felt lonely, I started wishing for my old life back. This was compounded by the fact that his gaming seemed to be much more consuming than I ever realised. Yes he gamed in the evenings after work, but it was as soon as dinner finished until 10, sometimes even 11pm. Not only this, but at the weekends switching on his beloved computer was the first thing he did, and he didn’t stop unless it was for food, again finishing late evening.
I don’t want you to think this happened occassionally, or that anything has changed. It’s every evening, every weekend. I’ve asked him for dinner dates, I get told it’s not really his thing. I ask if he’d like to go out for the day to explore local towns and cities, he tells me he’s already been there and doesn’t want to go again. I ask him to comedy shows, but he doesn’t find that particular comedian funny. I ask if he’d like to go for a nice walk, he can even bring his precious pokemon game, but he has a headache, or it’s too cold… anything to stay in attached to his PC.
All this, I might on occassion, be able to deal with. But it falls to me to buy the food, cook dinner, wash up, clean, do the clothes wash etc etc. He does wash up, maybe once every other week, I have had dinner cooked for me maybe once a month, and there is the odd time where he will put on a wash (though for the most part, it only seems to be his dirty clothes that make it into the machine). All I ask in return, and now have started to beg for, is some romance. To be swept off my feet sometimes, told he’s grateful for everything I do and that he loves me. To be treated to a night off cooking, or to go and see a film that doesn’t involve a grown man in lycra and a cape! (I do enjoy a good superhero movie, and will happily watch them, but for some reason when P.S. I love you is on, he’s nowhere to be seen).
I have now been told I nag too much. That I never say anything positive about him, that he puts up with a lot from me.
So, to the point of my blog. A very dear friend has agreed that whilst I need to try and talk and sort through things, getting everything off my chest, and maybe hearing some construcive support (and critisism) would be helpful. And so I open up the floor to you internet lovelies, with your years of relationship ups and downs.